i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
