It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
