Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
