I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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