Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
