Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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