Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
