Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
