i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
