she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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