I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
