I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
