Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
