I want to walk on stilts...naked
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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