I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
