I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
