i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
