You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Boobs speak an international language.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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