I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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