wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
