i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
