I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
