I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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