oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Blood and glitter go together right?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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