i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
