theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
