I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
