P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
