i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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