1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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