i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
