I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
