Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
