One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
