You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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