I need help removing her.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
