me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
