I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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