I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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