help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
