Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
