We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
vagina is talking i cant
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
