went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
