Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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