I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
