...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
