Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
