If i come over, it means nothing
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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