it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
