i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
