Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
