We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
