My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
