Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
