It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
