why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
