This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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