All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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