I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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