On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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