So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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