Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize