i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
