Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
