And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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