I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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